1. Dress Like a College Guy
You are 33 years old, single, and in an established career which pays enough for you to afford that shoe factory turned modern loft. Regardless of your established lifestyle, you should look like you just finished studying for a midterm.
2. Spontaneously Sing Songs You Supposedly Don't Recognize
Be able to bust into ironically bad songs. Do this in an endearingly dorky yet charming manner and when your female counterpart is feeling sullen, overly contemplative, or even upset with you. Don't forget to hit that infamous high note and work in some retro dance moves.
3. Fix Neurotic Women
Recognize characteristics of neurotic women. These types are your target. Traits include but are not limited to the following:
-Perfectionists/Type A personalities
-Have track record of poor relationships
-Overly expressive with emotions
-Unable to express emotions
-Wear pencil skirts
-Eat frozen dinners
-Own pets that are mostly self-sufficient such as fish, cats, and hamsters
Most of these woman are too mentally disturbed to notice such things as a car about to hit them in the middle of a busy intersection. So, it's vital for leading men to fix these women.
How to fix a neurotic lady:
1. Grip your hands on her arms or shoulders when she's in the middle of a full blown emotional breakdown.
2. Gently shake her entire body and describe how her OCD like qualities are what you find irresistible.
3. Shut her up with a kiss as she'll want to interrupt you with irrational lady thoughts.
4. Remember Dead Plants
Women tend to place large emphasis on insignificant things like that shirt she bought you after brunch or coconut scones from a beloved bed and breakfast.
Take these symbolic tangibles seriously. Wear that shirt and she won't be mad at you for running late. Buy those scones and she won't kill you when she's PMSing.
5. Know Secret and Safe Places
A woman typically has one place in the entire world where she can go and simply feel like herself. These places are often located in areas of high escalation such as secluded rooftops overlooking a city or manicured hill tops. Other secret places include but are not limited to docked boats, aquariums, and art gallery benches in front of very specific paintings.
Know this place. You'll need to surprise her here one day after you two get in a fight and she won't return your calls.
6. Talk With Your Buddies Like Girls Imagine You Would
Frequently discuss your relationship and feelings about the girl you just met. Have these conversations while golfing, working out, hitting balls at a batting cage, or playing poker.
7. Be Sensitive and Manly...at the same time.
Poetically profess your feelings, kill unwanted house pests, and have a rock hard six pack you're modest about.
8. Wear Glasses Only 10% of the Time
Two situations in which you should wear glasses:
1. Early in the morning while reading the paper, sipping coffee, and taking a bite out of some toast.
2. Working late while disheveled over a pile of papers and chinese food containers. Go ahead and roll up your dress shirt sleeves.
You are ready! Go on handsome and find your leading lady. She doesn't know it yet but you are exactly what she's been waiting for.